Sometimes we get strange things in the mail at work. Today is one of those days. I received a package with all sorts of… er, “useful”… information, including photocopies of some prophetic end-of-the-world magazines . One of the photocopied articles claims that the Vatican and Muslims are about to fight out a new Crusade over Jerusalem (because, you know, Catholics=Bad; who else would be responsible for a new crusade?).

Other important tidbits in the package:

1) A list of heresies (quite handy), which notes such heretical acts as the use of “wax candles” in church.

2) A “How-to” document on staying out of debt and keeping healthy. Last suggestion is “Refuse to do anything that will help create a one-world police-state, a one-world satanic-religion, or a one-world cashless society.” (Curiously it also suggests keeping a six-month stock of candles on hand in case of emergency; so I guess candles are okay unless you’re using them in church…)

3) A photocopy of a handwritten statement on the dangers of electromagnetic radiation. But you can apparently reduce the danger by purchasing Tesla Purple Free Energy Plates. Good to know.

4) A note that only those who tithe exactly 10% (that’s before deductions, you sinner!), observe the Sabbath from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown (not Sunday, you heretics!), and use the King James Version of the Bible (drop that NIV and ESV, you reprobates!) will be saved. “Everyone else is under a curse and will be eliminated when Jesus Christ returns in the near future.” (One of the end-of-the-world article photocopies dates back to 1984, so I guess “near future” is a relative term).

The only odd thing I can’t understand is why they didn’t want to include a return address…